4-4-13: Today I had my third treatment of Taxol. It was the first time I went to treatment by myself and I got in a little nap. It was a busy day in the chemo treatment center. Evidently not everyone is as lucky as me to get to do this on a weekly basis as many of the patients stated "see you in a few weeks." Lucky them! After my treatment it was off to the hair salon.
April Fools days was no joking matter. On April 1st my hair began to fall out. It started when I took a shower. I've always been known to shed when blow-drying and brushing my hair. This was more than the norm. I had a nice good cry in my shower as the reality of this thing called cancer really came to be real once my hair started to go. I made the decision fairly soon after diagnosis that I would donate my hair once it began to fall out. After getting out of the shower on Monday I made the call. There was an appointment late afternoon on Thursday- after my chemo treatment. It was like it was meant to be.
When I got to the salon, my regular stylist Ashley just happened to have a break before her next appointment and she was more than happy to help me through this transition as I was scheduled to see another gal at the salon. Many people told me to not watch while getting my hair cut and a part of me just had to witness this next chapter. We put a bunch of tiny pony tails all over my head and then came the moment. Within 5 minutes my hair was gone. I felt like I was having a Miley Cyrus moment. Once the bulk of my hair was off it was time to buzz the rest. It started in the back and then the sides until I had a little Mohawk on the top. We both kind of laughed with each other as it felt like we were doing something so incredibly wrong. Once it was all completely gone it was a relief in a way. Why was I so scared of this moment? I know it is just part of the journey to become cancer free, and us girls can just be consumed and obsessed with our looks. I guess beauty truly does need to lie within! I have the best family and friends and I know they will love me no matter what. Ashley then helped me cut and style Mischa (my wig) and I was ready to go.
This day just seemed to be a day chalked full of activities. Chase also had his first swimming lesson after my chemo and haircut. When I arrived to pick him up, the first words out of his mouth was "Mommy, what's wrong with your hair?" It made me smile that he notice but also made my heart ache. He asked me several more times that night what was wrong with my hair. I just kept telling him mommy had to do something different to it.
4-5-13: It was my first crack at getting ready post hair. I got to say I am going to enjoy the 1/2 hour I save of not having to dry and straighten my hair! Chase woke up while I was getting ready so I threw on a hat. He came into the bathroom with me and notice my hair on the counter. He said, "Mommy why is your hair on the counter?" Well here goes nothing..... I told him "remember mommy has an owie in her boobie?" (The easiest way to explain this to a three year old! LOL) "The medicine mommy has to take for her boobie makes my hair fall out, so I have short hair like grandpa." I knew he would relate to short hair like grandpa so I hoped he wouldn't be scared. I asked him if he wanted to see it and he said yes. I took off my hat and he stared at me for a few minutes. I asked him if he wanted to touch it and he rubbed my head. I wasn't sure what he was thinking until he asked if he could go grab some donuts and ran up the stairs. I think we survived!
When I got off of work on Friday Chase and I picked up some supper and headed out to the Primus house for the night. I had gotten a couple of red wigs from a gal at work and was showing them to my sister when Tyson came into the bathroom. I then got to explain my change of hair color to my niece and nephew and then we proceeded to have a wig party! All the kids had fun trying on the different wigs. I am hoping that helped them so that they won't be scared when they see me with different color hair or no hair at all!
Both my aunt and uncle got their BRCA test results back. My uncle is also positive and my aunt is negative. Finally a negative! We are 4/5 on the genetic testing. At least my uncle Greg's kids can now get tested to see if they carry the gene and to start being preventative if they do carry it.
Monday's are going to be my rough day of the week. Two weeks in a row I haven't been able to make it in to work on Monday due to extreme tiredness and nausea. They say typically 4 days post chemo are the hardest which would be about right. As long as I know and can plan for it I guess it works. There isn't really anything I can do about it so it is what it is I suppose!
Sorry for the late update. With my tiredness I just didn't get to the update as soon as I had hoped. Typically I am in bed as soon as Chase is down!
3 comments:
Bless your heart. Thank you for sharing your journey. It is true that kids keep you 'honest' and they face that truth better than we do sometimes.
Please know you are prayed for all along the way. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you many, many times.
love and prayers!
Thank you for sharing your blog with us. You have many, many people out there, like me who care about you and are praying for you even though we may not be really close friends or family. Hopefully by sharing your ups and downs, it will not only help you to get through all of this, but maybe help someone else along the way too. You are such a strong young woman, stronger than you ever knew you could be. You are doing a wonderful job of helping Chase understand what you're going through. Hang tough, kiddo. You are in our thoughts and prayers
Thoughts and prayers are with you. Dr Singh is not only a great doctor, he is a very good man.
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